Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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