Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
