i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!