Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.