You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"