Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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