that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
