Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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