You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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