idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
