and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
