Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
