wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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