then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
false alarm, still single
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