In the future we'll all be gay
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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