I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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