Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
