I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
