you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
