i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize