It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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