I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
