Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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