Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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