i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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