So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
