have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
