We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
