I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize