I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
