you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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