You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
