Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm at about main and main street
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
