my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
