how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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