im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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