Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
