Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
