My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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