I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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