When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
