I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
