I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
