Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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