Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
