I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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