my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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