I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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