im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have already put on my inside pants.
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How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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