Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize