she was so not down for the gang bang
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
