my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
