coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
