I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize