My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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