Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
