WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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