my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize