my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
