Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
