I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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