i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
