Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
