I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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