well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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