My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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