her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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