Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
