Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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