You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
