did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
