Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
